


Selling Point

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Crack, Gen, Sexual Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3841705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy is alone in his bedroom, diligently bullshitting his way through a history essay when he finds himself mid-conversation with Tommy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selling Point

Billy is alone in his bedroom, diligently bullshitting his way through a history essay when he finds himself mid-conversation with Tommy.  
  
“—which is why I can't be into dick,” Tommy concludes triumphantly.  
  
Billy stares at the open document on his screen. 'adsfjsjfsdjf dfaeswdfergttgrhtrh' stares back at him unhelpfully.  
  
“This is the part where you agree with me,” Tommy prompts.  
  
“I just. Tommy, where the hell have you _been_?”  
  
“Oh, y'know. Here and there and everywhere,” Tommy says breezily. “Anyway, tell me I'm right.”  
  
“About... what, exactly?”  
  
“ _Dude_.”  
  
“I'm _sorry_ , okay, you are doing that thing again where you probably started this conversation in Beijing. All I got was that you 'can't be into dick' which is, like, _what_?”  
  
“Alright, _fine_ ,” Tommy huffs. “So recap at snail-pace: we're twins who are also, like, _polar opposites_ in all ways possible, right? That's our _selling point_.”  
  
“Um. Who, exactly, are we selling ourselves to?”  
  
“I dunno, man, we live in a consumer culture. America, fuck yeah. Anyway, it's our _thing_. You're dark—I'm blond, you're engaged—I'm single, you're a nerd—I'm awesome—”

“ _Hey_.”

"—you're Jewish—I'm... not Jewish, which brings me to my point: you're _gay_ , meaning that I'm _straight_. Right? Hey, what's up?”  
  
“Oh, nothing much. I just realized that getting up this morning was a huge mistake,” Billy moans, muffled into his hands.  
  
When he eventually looks up at his weird— scratch that; obviously _nuts_ magical soul-twin... _thing_ , Tommy is staring back at him expectantly. He's also _vibrating_ in place in the most literal sense of the word, which is what usually happens when Tommy has to sit still for longer than a thirty-second period.  
  
“Please don't blow up my desk. I like this desk,” Billy tells him.  
  
Tommy graciously hops off said desk, only to start pacing the length of the room at a dizzying speed. Billy keeps his back to him because watching would just make his already pretty unbearable headache even worse.  
  
“I don't know what gave you the idea that we were _polar opposites_ or whatever, but that's not how sexuality _works_ , and, just. David's _cute_ , but if you aren't into him, you don't have to come up with ridiculously twisted reasons to reject him. A simple 'no' will do.”  
  
Tommy stops pacing long enough to demand, “Who said anything about David?”  
  
Billy rolls his eyes heavenwards.  
  
“Bisexuality is a _thing_ , Tommy, okay? And I can't even begin to imagine why you'd need my permission—”  
  
“I don't.”  
  
“—to date a dude, but this is me officially giving you my permission to date a dude. Or not. Honestly, you can do whatever you want and I'll be happy for you. With the obvious exceptions of blowing up government buildings, global terrorism and random acts of mass murder.”  
  
“You blow up a government building—”  
  
“Or _five_.”  
  
“—and it follows you for the rest of your life and like, should I call him?”  
  
“ _Who_?”  
  
“Who do you _think_ ,” Tommy hisses. “Why am I even here when I could be talking to your better half?”  
  
“You know, you're absolutely right,” Billy agrees, nodding furiously. “Teddy is an excellent listener. You've always liked him better than me, anyway.”  
  
“Quite true. Well, thanks for nothing, bro. Gotta go find me a better gay guru.”  
  
And just like that, Billy is alone again.  
  
The chances of him getting to Teddy before Tommy does are slim to none, but he fires off a text anyway.  
  
> _sorry!!!!!! ily_ ♥  
  
Teddy replies forty seconds later with a string of emoji Billy can't quite decipher. All he can tell for sure is that they all look really, _really_ pained.


End file.
